How to Love a Loner

Wed, 12 Jul 2006 03:21:35 GMT

Introducing my newphew, Logan Strudwick Hedges!!!! (My sister picked the name, so don't blame Strudwick on my brother-in-law.)

I'm officially an Aunt!!!!

Pictures!!!

Sun, 02 Jul 2006 00:34:11 GMT

I've decided I would like more people from this journal to add my new journal, ash_gatherer. So add me people! I don't think I'll be using this one much more, because I rarely log into it, so I've been slacking on comments. If you want me to comment, add my new journal! And a commenting fiend I'll be once again.

Sun, 04 Jun 2006 01:17:07 GMT

This just means it's easy for me to get my heart broken.

Your Love Style is Agape

You are a caring, kind, and selfless partner.
Unsurprisingly, your love style is the most rare.
You are willing to sacrfice your world for your sweetie.
Except it doesn't really feel like sacrifice to you.
For you, nothing feels better than giving to the one you love.

What's Your Love Style?

More for the baby blanket!

Wed, 31 May 2006 23:54:23 GMT

After having to start over Dragon baby three times, I have finally finished him as well as bluebird baby. I also finished a small cross stitch for my little sister whose birthday is coming up. (I did it as a break from Dragon baby which was frustrating me like crazy!) And without further ado,

Wed, 31 May 2006 02:58:26 GMT

Ever feel like there are a million things you're feeling all at once and you sit down to write it out and nothing seems to come out?

Cut

Mon, 29 May 2006 01:47:31 GMT

If I've deleted you and you care to be re-added, you can comment. Otherwise, if you're active, I would actually appreciate it if you removed me from you're friend's list as well. (I like for my info page to be tidy looking, I'm neurotic like that) and I hate that "also friend of" section not being equal with my "mutual friends" section.

I'm addicted to drugs

Sat, 20 May 2006 02:51:48 GMT

I was really hoping that since I had cut my dose of meds in half (without my doctor's guidance or support) I would maybe even be able to temporarily go off entirely, partly because my bank acocunt is stupid and I didn't have my cash available to pay the $20 for my refill.

Well, it's definitely not as bad as it used to be, but I officially entered crappy withdrawls today from the effexor. Shaking, hot/cold flashes, and I knew that shortly around the corner would be the complete emotional instability.

Cutter is a sweetheart and got paid today and gave me the 20 bucks to buy my refill and I feel better.

Now that I've halved the dose however, I like the way I feel. I have the urge to write again, and read more often like I used to, and draw (even though I'm terrible at it). I know that the effexor was making a huge difference helping me manage my depression, and without it only God knows where I'd be.

But I think it made me feel less. And I don't know if I was over-sensitive before, or if I'm less sensitive than I should be now.

What's particularly scary is that I feel like a schizophrenic going off of depacote. I like the way I feel without my meds, though I know it may not be the healthiest mental health choice for me. I guess we'll see how it goes- I'm halving my dose, I can always bring it back up to normal again if need be.

Friends Cut

Sat, 20 May 2006 02:45:22 GMT

Perhaps I'm just more sensitive as I used to be, but I am locking more and more of my posts and decided it's time to make my very first lj friends cut.

I already have an idea of what I'm going to do, but if you do want to stay one of my lj buddies, (c: just let me know. I'll probably leave this up for a week or so, cuz I'm lazy like that.

Sun, 14 May 2006 22:46:34 GMT

So I'm already seriously conflicted over whether or not to call my mother today. And first thing this morning I get an e-mail from my grandmother saying she's "disappointed" I didn't go to my sister's baby shower (which I couldn't because I was working) and asking me to call my Mom today.

Instantly I feel resent. Why should I have to call her just because it's May? She never calls me. She hasn't been a mother to me for nearly 2 fucking years. In my opinion, a mother doesn't disown her child on a whim and then demand constant apologies to win her love back.

Fuck you. I'll call when I damn well feel like it. And I shouldn't have to do all the fucking work just to have a mother. What I regret about not being in touch with my Mom is not being in touch with my little brother. The rest seems to be working out pretty damn ok without you, thank you very much. I'll make sure I shower you with praises for deciding to squeeze me out and then ignore me another day.

Wed, 10 May 2006 04:02:51 GMT

For some reason I've decided to half my dose of meds. Well, there's a couple of reasons.

*I want it to last until Friday when I get paid and will refill then
*I take a very high dose and sometimes that concerns me
*It's habit forming so it wouldn't hurt to try and wean off of it a bit

I'm thinking I'm feeling the negative side effects however. I feel a tiny bit jittery, though I don't feel like I'm going through the withdrawls or anything. I seem to be more clumsy and definitely more sensitive/emotional the last few days.

But I also just had my first depo shot a couple days ago also. My doc was so incredibly against getting an IUD she basically was going to make me wait atleast 2 months to just get it put in, so I decided since it was going to take that long I might as well just get the depo in the meantime, if I hate it I'll go back to the IUD and if I like it, well nifty. But now I'm a bit worried that it's giving me crazy emotional mood swings.

Or maybe I'm not irrational, and all my feelings are totally legitimate.

Update for baby blanket

Sat, 29 Apr 2006 05:34:03 GMT

Another 2 animal babies finished in about another week and a half. So 2 1/2 weeks total so far, 4 babies. Not half bad. My nephew is due in June, and as a huge step forward, I was invited to the baby shower my Mom is throwing for my sister, BY MY MOTHER. She actually invited me herself. Big progress. Hopefully the blanket will be finished by then.

I LOVE this little guy!

This tiny dalmation had about a million colors of grey in it.

Mon, 17 Apr 2006 04:08:24 GMT

So my nephew is due to be born in June and I'm working on a few pieces to make a baby blanket for him. My sister loves Anne Geddes so these animal baby patterns are perfect.

I've finished two in just under a week. Of course, I don't know exactly what the situation with my family will be like by then, but here's to hoping!

Well this sums it up.

Sat, 15 Apr 2006 03:48:55 GMT

sabrina says I hate you. bye.

That was the message I just got from my little sister (logged into my little brother's AIM).

I knew there was a reason I never log into AIM anymore.
And they wonder why I don't want to call.

Sometimes I miss my family so much it hurts. At times like this, though, I just wish I could pick who was really a part of my family. Not that I am considered family anymore, I guess.

Sun, 09 Apr 2006 04:20:48 GMT

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Physical Touch
with a secondary love language being
Quality Time.

Complete set of results

Physical Touch:		10
Quality Time:		9
Words of Affirmation:		5
Acts of Service:		3
Receiving Gifts:		3

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

Bloody morning

Sun, 09 Apr 2006 03:40:23 GMT

Everything was normal until about 10 minutes before I was to leave for work. All of a sudden I was gushing blood. Yep, in a girl way.

I'm thinking random period, right? I did just get the IUD in in the last 2 months and unusual periods are a side effect. But as I went to the bathroom to clean up I started to realize something was definitely wrong. Too much blood. And worse, fresh blood. Bright red, hyper-oxygenated blood.

So I try to put in a tampon and experience an extremely sharp pain that quickly aborts that mission. I fix myself up and go to work.

10 minutes into my shift I start to feel dizzy and nauseous and can feel myself starting to black out. And then, of course, a call comes in. And I start to heave like I'm throwing up only nothing comes out. I painfully finish the call with a trash can in my lap. And then I feel better. I stick it out for another hour until my break.

Finally my break comes and I get up planning to change my pad and such, and

look down to see that my jeans are soaked in blood literally down to my knees and covering my chair.

I grab my blanket to cover myself, put some paper towels on the seat of my car and head home to change, still bleeding.

On the way I call the 24 hour nurse and explain what's going on. I got home and stood in the bathtub, blood still streaming down my legs.

Of course, she tells me to go to the emergency room.

After I get off the phone I try to get cleaned up enough to drive myself down the street to the hospital. At that point, there is a huge clot in the bathtub. Huge, as in larger in size than my cell phone.

At the ER I get a bloody pelvic exam which was pretty damn painful. They took out the IUD basically because they didn't know what was wrong and if I had an infection it would make it worse.

Final verdict? Unexplained vaginal bleeding. No fever, signs of infection, of course no STD's or Pelvic Inflammatory Disease. By the time I got home from the hospital at about 10am, it had slowed down quite a bit and I'm left extremely sore and unable to stand up straight.

Here's what I've concluded after a little research. A clot formed which is normal only with the IUD in place it ended up blocking my cervix and blood slowly filled up my uterus until it was full to bursting, and then it finally just forced it's way out. It's probably the reason for my lack of appetite and generally uncomfortable stomach lately.

Scared shitless this morning? Yes.

Come on, this is cool

Mon, 03 Apr 2006 02:04:32 GMT

mybisl2's LiveJournal popularity rating is 3.96/10.
mybisl2 is more popular than 97.9% of all LiveJournal users.
mybisl2 is more popular than 70.8% of their mutual friends.

How popular are you?
LJ Popularity created by thehumangame.

Thu, 30 Mar 2006 02:02:51 GMT

Stolen from soviets

1. You can only say YES or NO!
2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone comments to the entry and asks.

Taken a picture naked? Yes.
Made out with a member of the same sex? Kissed, yes
Danced in front of your mirror? Yes
Told a lie? Yes
Gotten in a car with people you just met? No
Been in a fist fight? No
Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? Yes
Been arrested? Np
Left your house without telling your parents? No, at least not when I was living with them.
Ditched school to do something more fun? Yes
Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? Yes
Seen someone die?
Kissed a picture? No
Slept in until 3? Yes
Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? Yes
Played dress up? Yes
Fallen asleep at work/school? Yes!
Felt an earthquake? Yes
Touched a snake?
Ran a red light? Yes
Had detention? Yes
Been in a car accident? Yes
Pole danced? Not on a real pole
Been lost? Yes
Sang karaoke? Yes
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? Yes
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? No
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Yes
Kissed in the rain? Yes =D
Sang in the shower? Yes
Got your tongue stuck to a pole? No
Ever gone to school partially naked? Depends on your definition of partial...
Sat on a roof top? Yes
>b?Played chicken?</b> No
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? No
Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? Yes
Broken a bone? No
Mooned/flashed someone? Yes
Forgotten someone's name? Yes
Slept naked? Yes
Blacked out from drinking? No
Played a prank on someone? Yes, lame ones
Felt like killing someone? No
Made a parent cry? Probably, though I haven't seen it
Cried over someone? Yes
Had sex more than 5 times in one day? More than 5? No. 5? Yes.
Had/Have a dog? Yes
Been in a band? No
Drank 25 sodas in a day? No
Shot a gun? No, but I want to.

Lonely

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 00:39:40 GMT

I'm under attack again my dear, I'm in the way
Got no resolutions, no clever anecdotes to say
And still if I yell at the top of my lungs will it be the same?
I'd fly you a flag, I'd bury this pen into my veins

I wanna feel through you tonight
But I won't make you
I won't make you

The telephone number I got for you says nobody's home
The best thing I can think to do right now is leave it alone
And you had an apology in your mailbox since last July
It's funny when you find the words to say you find no reply

I wanna feel through you tonight
But I won't make you
I won't make you

Scream my name just one more time

But I won't make you
I won't make you

And it's been hours now
To be here like this
And just to lay you down
And just to taste your lips
And just to keep me up
God I'm tired of sleeping
And just to lay inside you
And just to know this feeling

Trying to make some good changes

Sat, 25 Feb 2006 04:26:00 GMT

Doing little things like getting up a bit earlier to do my makeup/wear contacts/do my hair in more than a ponytail, all that kind of stuff.

Working hard at T-Mobile trying to increase my performance.

Is wanting to be the best at everything a bad thing?

Don't put too much pressure on myself. Gotta remember.

Feeling pretty good right now. Save money to take my last 3 classes and get the damn piece of paper that means 4 years in school is worth it.

And prove to my parents they're wrong.

Going to send them a graduation announcement, but not tickets to the ceremony.

I can do it all. And I can be ok at the same time.

Not truly important...

Fri, 10 Feb 2006 18:48:04 GMT

<td align="center">You have a sexual IQ of 146

When it comes to sex, you are a super genius. You have had a lot of experience, and sex interests you so you know a lot about it. You pride yourself on being a source of information and guidance to all of your friends.

Take this quiz at QuizUniverse.com</td>

I told...

Fri, 13 Jan 2006 01:51:46 GMT

...rock_that_beat I would!

Fill me out!!

FACTS ABOUT YOU
1. Name:
2. Birthday:
3. Where you live:
4. What makes you happy:
5. What are you listening to now/have listened to last:
6. Do you read my lj:
7. If you do, what is particularly good/bad about it:
8. An interesting fact about you:
9. Are you in love/have a crush at the moment:
10. Favourite place to be:
11. Favourite lyric:
12. Best time of the year:
13. Favourite candle scent:

RECOMMEND
1. A film:
2. A book:
3. A band:
4. A song:
5. An album:
6. A website:

PLUS
1. One thing you like about me:
2. Two things you like about yourself:
3. Put this in your lj so I can tell you what I think of you?:
4. Post a photo of you HERE:

It started out good, but as usual...

Wed, 14 Dec 2005 03:30:45 GMT

...I feel like a failure.

When Cutter's computer got a nasty virus a month or two ago I re-installed windows on the partioned drive of his harddisk so that we could bypass the infected version. The only thing is that the partitioned drive is very small and he wants to have full access to his harddrive again.

Today I installed a nice new video card so he can play the really cool pc games that are out now and that went perfectly, but I can't delete the partioned drive without removing his files and I can't uninstall the previous version of xp off of the main drive because the virus made it impossible. I mean, I'm trying really hard and I've been able to do a lot more than most. Installing a new graphics card isn't rocket scientist but most people I know wouldn't even know which card to switch out or have a clue how to create/delete a partioned drive to bypass infected files.

He's just so down right now and I feel like it's my fault because I can't fix it. We were on our way to having a great day playing video games and watching movies and having pizza and drinking for the first time in awhile but now everything just feels... like I broke it.

Sat, 10 Dec 2005 03:33:40 GMT

Stolen from oh_simple_thing

The Peach
Random Gentle Love Master (RGLMf)

Playful, kind, and well-loved, you are The Peach.

For such a warm-hearted, generous person, you're surprisingly experienced in both love and sex. We credit your spontaneous side; you tend to live in the moment, and you don't get bogged down by inhibitions like most women your age. If you see something wonderful, you confidently embrace it.

Your exact opposite:
The Nymph

Deliberate Brutal Sex Dreamer

You are a fun flirt and an instant sweetheart, but our guess is you're becoming more selective about long-term love. It's getting tougher for you to become permanently attached; and a guy who's in a different place emotionally might misunderstand your early enthusiasm. You can wreck someone simply by enjoying him.

Your ideal mate is adventurous and giving, like you. But not overly intense.

DREAD: The False Messiah

CONSIDER: The Loverboy, The Playboy, or The Boy Next Door

Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.
My profile name: mybisl22

A nifty link!

Sat, 10 Dec 2005 03:18:11 GMT

Go ahead! Find out if he/she is the one!
http://www.crushcalculator.com/content/love/325472175

Check it out! Updated!

Fri, 09 Dec 2005 22:41:44 GMT

MindMap